Leap Day Luck!

Happy Leap Day!  Happy Wednesday!  Happy 5th birthday, Megan and Allie!  Happy day full of free food!  Firstly, my dad and brother took a trip to good ol' Btown just to see my face and take me out for lunch.  Just kidding, my dad had a meeting and my brother was bored.  Typical.  But it was great to see them anyway!  We went to Denny's and had a typical Demars family-style meal involving picky eating, nonsense babble, and squabbling over non-consequential crap.  I had the veggie skillet, which looks like a big plop of bird poop on a pile of vegetables, but was actually quite good (read on for more about bird poop.... dun dun DUUNNNN.  Just wait).

Then, there was leftover chocolate, gluten-free cake in celebration of Allie's leap year birthday!  Speaking of chocolate though, I have an announcement to make:

I've given up chocolate for lent.  

I'm not religious, I just like the idea of trying to go without something that is part of a regular routine or way of life.  It's way harder than I anticipated.  I've fallen off the wagon twice-- once was unintentional (I mixed hot chocolate and coffee, like I usually do) and then tonight I (intentionally) had a spoonful of chocolate frosting because it was staring at me and who can say no to Betty Crocker?  But hey-- every day is a new one, and it's the effort that counts, so don't beat me up about it, kay?!

As for food found in the trash, I found a FANTASTIC salad.  Because I'm obsessed with finding the best quality food on campus, I know it's the cheddar/apple/walnut/craisin salad from Waterman Cafe-- which happens to be my salad of choice this week.  Most of the cheddar cheese squares and apples were picked out, but all the candied walnuts and craisins were still in there and there was no salad dressing, so... dream come true.

Okay, time for a random, non-food related story: a bird pooped on Mady's head today.  The end.  She thought it was hilarious and "lucky."  Weirdo. 

Beans EVERYWHERE.

It's 2 am.  You might be wondering why the heck I'm up so late...  And the answer to that question is: MEXIGLOP.  Most of tonight (i.e. 8 pm-present) has been spent eating bean dip/ cleaning up bean dip/ making bean puns.  Mexiglop is a (not so) secret family recipe that involves dumping ingredients into a pan and heating them up.  Easy enough for me not to screw up, but just barfy-looking enough for people to assume that I did screw up.  Please enjoy the following photo of my lovely roommate, Madeline, gettin' creative with the bean dip.

(Note: I did not find this mexiglop in the trash, and therefore it has no place in my blog, but I make the rules and I say beans are welcome any time.  Also, if this bean crap looks good to you, I'll gladly indulge the secret recipe because beans should not be kept secret.)

Anywhoozle! Now for the trashy stuff!  Found a half-full bag of puffy Cheetos in the kitchen trash.  I was too full on mexiglop to eat any of them, but tomorrow's a new day, folks.  Let's hope they're not stale or soggy!

It was an exciting day for the Health and Wellness dorm... there was a (ruined) surprise engagement party, which I regret not being able to attend (I was in beanland...).  On the upside though, there was a humongo cake that no one could finish, so someone hoisted it on up to floor 3 and said "let them eat cake!"  And we attacked it with vigor and reckless abandonment.  I must confess, I didn't actually eat any of the actual cake, but I did eat boatloads of the frosting, which is the best part because it's pure sugar.  A lot of people couldn't handle the amount of frosting stacked on top of that cake, but I can handle anything and therefore ended up eating way too much of it.  Oh, and no one actually said "let them eat cake," (including Marie Antoinette).

I wish I had taken a picture of the cake before it was demolished.  This was the sad little piece left at the end.  And then I swiped the frosting off of it.

Oh, and then this happened too.  Valentine's Day candy was on sale at the Marche for 50 cents, and I'm not one to pass up a disgusting bag of chalky hearts, so obviously I had to buy it.  They were terrible, as expected, as you can tell by this picture.  But with messages like "tweet me" and "U rock," I was sufficiently impressed.

Who in their right mind recycles a belt?!

It almost seems like there's a correlation between the amount/quality of food I find and the quality of day I'm having.  The worse my day gets, the more food I find.  Or maybe there's actually no correlation and it's just that when I'm having a less than thrilling day, finding food is more exciting.  Whatever the heck it is, it definitely brightened this dreary Monday.  I was having a "mondane" day.  Har har.

At approximately 11:30am, I looked at the exam review sheet for my healthcare ethics class and had a mini freakout.  And then I found a box of animal crackers.  With animal crackers in hand, I tackled that review sheet with the fierceness of a thousand honeybadgers, and for those who don't know, those things are fierce.  

Later on, I was on my way to the gym when I habitually glanced into the garbage and glimpsed the top of a Cheez-It box.  What little will power I have told me to keep walking, but of course that bit of will power failed and I grabbed the box.  FULL.  Opened, but FULL.  It's now sitting in the kitchen for all to share... take a stroll on over to my floor to partake in some Cheez-It eating, y'all!

And then, I found a skinny leather belt.  For some strange reason, it was in the recycling bin, which a) it shouldn't have been because it's a BELT, and b) I don't usually look in there, so this was a stroke of luck.  

People are dumbheads.  Why toss out a full box of Cheez-its?  Why not give them to someone who'd eat them?  Why throw away a belt?  And why throw it in the recycling bin?  Who taught that person to sort their trash?  This concerns me.  These are the questions that keep me awake at night.  Not really, but they do run through my mind whenever I find something that doesn't belong in the garbage.  Come on, guys, let's get it together.  

I think I just died.

Picture the most chocolatey delicious thing you can imagine.  Got it?  Okay, now multiply that by 50 and you might just begin to comprehend just how chocolatey and delicious I'm talkin'.

OREO AND PEANUT BUTTER STUFFED BROWNIES.  

2 stacked oreos with a layer of peanut butter between them and another layer on top, then baked within a brownie.  OM NOM.

Behold the layers of glory.  So much chocolatey goodness.  This is probably the most unhealthy food I think I've ever ingested.  And to that I say, WHATEVER.  If you're calorie-conscious enough to have the will power to say no to this, I'd actually feel bad for you.  You'd be missing out on quite possibly the most disgustingly delicious thing in the entire universe.


Kudos to Shannon and Dore for creating these beautiful works of art for Suzanne's birthday. (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUZANNE!)

The Meaning of Life.

Fact: When life gets you down, just look in the trash and all your problems will be solved.

Supporting paragraph: Last night I found a bouquet of carnations in the trash.  Thursdays are my terrible class days where it's pretty much non-stop class from 10-7pm, so I'm always wiped out, brain dead, and not in the very best of moods when I get back to the dorms.  But finding a bouquet of flowers in the trash completely brightened the day.  Hallelujah for people who throw flowers away for seemingly no reason!  They're now in an empty tomato sauce jar I also found in the kitchen, brightening up the room.

You can just see the corner of the trash bin that I pulled these lovely flowers out from.  Aww.

Second supporting paragraph: I found a cannoli today.  Specifically, in a box from Mike's Pastry from the shop in Hanover, Boston.  There it was sitting right on top, with a huge intact cannoli inside.  I've never actually had a cannoli, so I don't know how they're supposed to taste, but I tried it anyway.  And it was yucky.  So I threw it away again.  But the point is, I came, I saw, I could've conquered, but chose not to. 

Conclusion: The kitchen garbage can is actually just a treasure chest of unwanted goodness set out to make me happy.  

The Tale of the Elusive Grapes

Well, I failed pretty hard today.  

There I was, on my way out of Waterman Cafe when I stopped to look in the trash, just out of habit.  I peered in, saw one of those to-go cups still half full of grapes, and was like, "YEAHHH!"  And then I looked up and there were a bunch of people staring at me because:

1) I had just screamed at the trash can.

2) My hand was still in the trash.

3) I happened to be wearing a garishly flower-patterned 50's style dress that makes me look like a school-marmish, box-shaped weirdo.  In fact, who let me outta the dorm wearing that thing?!  Sheesh.

So then, with everyone looking at me, my first instinct was to whip my hand out of the trash and run... which is pretty much what I did.  Sans grapes.  There was no way I was gonna reach back in and take that container now that the spotlight was on me.  

So, to summarize: didn't get any grapes, put myself in an awkward situation (as usual), and apparently got dressed in the dark this morning.  Awesome.

Garbage-y Stuff on the Interwebz

Well, here I am, sitting in a 3 hour lecture class.  I've already taken a nap (during which I apparently made weird noises, thereby horrifically embarrassing myself.  Way to go, Caney), I've already exhausted the new content on my normal website circuit,  I've already tried to focus and take notes (to no avail), so what's a terribly bored girl to do?  Obviously, it's time to troll the interwebz for random bits of trashy goodness.  Here's what came up:

1.  An article from the UVM Cynic newspaper that I've been meaning to post.
http://www.vermontcynic.com/life/deep-dig-serves-up-half-eaten-meal-1.2701438

Hey look, guys, I'm not the only one doing it!  This Patrick Dowd fellow has really got it down.  I especially loved the part about his relationship with the Brennan's employees.  He's not welcome to trash-pick in some places, but at least he's a good sport about it.
On the other hand though, the Cynic paper is the Water Tower's rival and I'm an unwavering follower of the Water Tower.  A couple weeks ago, I wrote an article for the Water Tower about guidelines for eating from the trash and whaddaya know-- a week later, the cynic comes out with this article about pretty much the same exact thing.  Hmm...suspicious?  Coincidence?  Whatever.  Trash is trash, we can all share.

2. A fantastic t-shirt (courtesy of my friend Bry), PERFECT for my kinda trash-eatin'.  So expensive, though.  I'm a thrift shopper through and through and cannot justify spending more than $2 for a shirt, so... ah well.

http://funnytshirtsfunnyquotes.spreadshirt.com/dumpster-diver-A8150892

3.  I meant to post this many lightyears ago, aka-- the very beginning of this blog, but alas, things came up. But recently, Portlandia has been rediscovered on my Netflix instant watch, so I was once again reminded of this hilarious little sketch.  So cute.  The sweater...the soupy koala bear... gah, too funny.

Gluten Free is GREAT.

Lemme tell ya one of the best things about the dorm I live in: FREE FOOD every Wednesday night.  Here's some background for those of you who are miffed about how awesome your own dorm isn't (that was phrased weirdly and probably incorrectly, but in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "onward, ever onward" so just disregard that sentence, willya?)  

I live in the Health and Wellness building, which means it's a dorm that offers community activities, like yoga, arts and crafts, cooking, random outings, etc.  It's great.  I love it.  Especially on Wednesdays, which is the designated night for Bite Club-- every week is a different cooking/baking theme and this week's was gluten-free featuring special-guest cooks Allie and Leslie, two of my very favoritest floor mates in the whole wide campus.  

This is Allie-Gordon, hovering over a humongo bowl of gluten-free stir fry.  (Rice noodles, zuchini, snow peas, and soy sauce.  Yummz with a capital Y).  Such a gluten-free cutie-patootie.

This is Leslie, hovering over a batch of gluten-free cookies.  (Irish rolled oats, craisins, walnuts, blahblah other cookie ingredients that I'm too lazy to list, but I swear there's no gluten in them).  Leslie, you silly nut, no one eats cookies with forks!

So that was that.  Thanks for dinner, Leslie and Allie!  I was skeptical about a lack of delicious carbs (because that's what keeps this gal happy, y'all.  CARBS 4 EVA), but was pleasantly surprised with pasta and cookies.  Happyhappyhappy day.

And THEN, as if this day couldn't get any better on the free-food-front (try saying that 5 times fast), I acquired 2 slightly bruised, but still perfectly fabulous, apples (shout out to Katherine, my apple-wastin' girlface). 

So.  Because of this free dinner and my own handiness in the kitchen for breakfast (ha, yeah right, I failed at making french toast, which sucks because I don't really even like french toast to begin with), I spent only 4.5 points today on lunch at the Marche.  Woopdewoop!  Living frugally, errybody.  You should try it-- easy, fun, scrumdidlyumptuastic, and you don't even have to look in the garbage to do it.

PANCAKE DAY.

It's Mardi Gras, y'all!  Aka, Fat Tuesday.  Aka, PANCAKES.  Here's the story of my day: woke up, got really pumped about pancakes and talked about them nonstop, only to get blank stares.  Is there no one else who celebrates Fat Tuesday every year?  Surely I'm not the only fatty at UVM!  But alas, it appears to be so.  

Due to the horribly depressing fact that no one else was pancake-obsessed, I decided to take it upon myself to educate everyone and stuff pancakes in the face of anyone who happened to be walking by the kitchen during this whole ordeal.  Here's how it goes down.

Step 1: Chuck together some ingredients that may or may not be the correct ones.  

2 cups flour (given to me by Sarah a few days ago before she threw it away)

2 Tbsp granulated sugar (but I used brown sugar because why not)

Salt (stolen from the dining hall)

2.5 Tsp baking powder (but I used baking powder because that's all I could find)

Milk (but I used almond milk because udders are scary)

2 eggs (probably the only ingredient I didn't mess with)

Step 2: Fry up some cakes, preferably not on the burner that always sets off the fire alarm.  (Word of advice: when making pancakes, do not use 4 times as much oil as needed to grease the pan.  The first pancake will be soggy and not quite as delectable as intended).

Step 3: Keep your pancakies on a cookie sheet in the oven to stay warm while you're finishing up.  Then take them out and admire your creations lovingly before chowing down.

Just LOOK at that pile of pancakey goodness.  LOOK AT IT.  So good.

Step 4: Share your Mardi Gras celebration with anyone and everyone that walks into the kitchen.  Physically force your victims to ingest the pancakies, if you must.  Just kidding, guys, friendly feeding is the way to go.

Happy homies eating crappy cakes.  

Step 5: Brag about how unpoisonous your pancakes turned out, under the circumstances.

And there you have it folks, my successful pancake endeavors.  And man, am I surprised they actually turned out edible.  If you know me at all, you have most likely heard horror stories about my baking/cooking skillz.  Well, let me tell ya, those are not just rumors, people.  I am quite possibly the worst baker on the face of the universe (does the universe have a face?) and that is not an understatement.  In fact, I'm bracing myself for food poisoning from those pancakes any minute now.

...Just kidding.

...But really.

Crazy for Clementines!

Remember how I said healthy eating was starting today?  Well....IT DID.  I bet you weren't expecting me to say that.  (I wasn't expecting me to say that either, but hey, I acquired this new thing called willpower seemingly overnight).  So...when this bowl o' homemade fudge was left in the kitchen for all to enjoy, this gal didn't go beserk and eat all of it, for once.

Here's the fudge bowl in all of its depleted glory.  As you can see, my floor really knows how to go to town on a bowl of free chocolate.

Then tonight, a girl from down the hall gave me some questionably old clementines that had been sitting in her fridge for a while and were on their way to the garbage.  I was like "daaaaamn, girl, that citrus is lookin' fiiiiiine" and then I ate them.  And they were questionable, but still made of citrusy goodness, so all is well and un-moldy.

Please enjoy this sequence of pictures from my clementine photoshoot.

FEEEEEEEED ME, SEYMOUR

Guess what, world?!  More free food, that's what!

Let's backtrack a bit, since I've been a-slackin' on the updates this weekend.  Last Friday, I came back to the dorms to find this bag of blueberry lemon loose leaf tea sitting on the kitchen table.  A friend of mine wasn't a fan, so it was up for grabs and as you can see, I grabbed it.

Now, I'm no stranger to tea, but I've never tackled loose leaf, so I was a bit mystified as to how it works.  I figured you dump some in your water, strain it out, and then drink yo' drank and try your darndest to avoid the floaty particles that didn't quite make it out.  But, apparently, there's an easier way!  My lovely mother gave me a thingy to use!  I don't know what they're called and I don't know how to use it, but by golly it can't be that hard-- it's just a bag and a little stick.  I'll puzzle it out later tonight and maybe update y'all on my success (or, more likely, complete failure.  Either way).

As well as the tea thingermagoober, I came back from school after a weekend at home, arms filled with groceries.  Shout out to the greatest parents in the world.  Yogurt and hummus and fruit galore!  Here's a view of my heavenly mini fridge.  You may have to shield your eyes from the beauty.

And then, almost immediately after walking back into the dorm, my friend MacKenzie gave me a stale box of Honey Graham Oh's from before winter break that she was going to throw out.  Little did she know, stale Honey Graham Oh's taste even better than fresh ones (as far as I know).

HA!  JOKE'S ON YOU, MACKMACK.

In summary:
The good news: free cereal!
The bad news: I ate most of it already.  It was too good to stop.
More good news: I went to the gym afterwards, so no harm done.
More bad news: Right after that, Sarah and Connor needed help finishing their pasta.  I felt obliged to help.
But no fear, more good news: I've got a fridge full o' healthy crap, so health(ier) eating begins NAAOWWW.
So.... the good and bad even out sorta.  Whatever.

P.S. If you didn't get the Little Shop of Horrors reference in the title of this post, we can no longer be friends.  Actually, we can still be friends, I'll just force you to listen to the soundtrack with me until you can recite all the lyrics.  Okay, bye.

The early bird gets the sushi.

Wellllllll, since I've been so sick lately, I think it's time to step back from eating from the trash for a bit.  While I have no problem eating other people's food, I never really stop to consider the bajillion germs that are probably festering all over it, waiting for me to ingest them.  Sigh.  Time for me to start thinking about hygiene and contagious viruses and other grown-up stuff.

I may be taking a break from trash-picking, but that doesn't mean I can't find other ways to get free food!  Here's the greatest discovery of my life: the Cyber Cafe in the library gets rid of all perishable food at 2:30 pm on Fridays.  Since they close for the weekend, tons of stuff gets tossed so that it doesn't stink up the place by Monday.  This means that if you get there at juuuust the right time, you can score sushi, bruised fruit, yogurts, whatever they've got.

This week, the pickings were slim-- I got there late.  I still managed to snag some bananas though, and that's good enough for me!

Ickysicky Chicken Gunk

Hey, y'all wanna hear about my epiphany of the day?! (That was supposed to be a rhetorical question, but if you answered no, then you can stop reading right here and go do something else that will (probably) be more productive than reading my dumb blog.  If you answered yes, well then-- READ ON, friends!)

WELL.  This past week (okay, week and a half), I've been pretty darn sick.  First it was just a cold, then a worse cold, then pink eye, and then today I went and got tested for strep-- because, with this streak of bad luck, I figured hey, why not add one more to the list!  (If any of you curious'uns are wondering, I don't have strep, but I do have some thyroid problem, messing with my bodayyy and blahblah boring mumbojumbo whatever.)  There were murmurs from friends and (ahem, parents) that I was probably catching all this junk from eating stuff out of the trash and I immediately dismissed it because we've all seen how clean trash cans are and how could something so wonderful be so disastrous, etc, etc.  But then, I got to thinking and... you know, they just might be right.  Yikes.

Anyway, next subject: DINING HALLS.  First of all, they're great.  I'm their biggest fan.  Unlimited food and friendly staff at your beck and call to make something deliciously fried just for you?!  Yeah, they're actually kind of too good to be true.  But there's one aspect that gets my bubbles rumbling (or whatever that saying is)-- since there's so much food and so much choice, people are more liberal in the size of the portions they throw away.  "Oh, these falafels are good, but that Asian stir fry looks like an 8 out of 10, so fuck the falafels."  And then a whole plate of food is wasted.  It's a sad, sad state of affairs.  

Tonight's notable waste of the century was a perfectly good caesar salad (minus that ickysicky chicken gunk), so why the heck didn't it get eaten?!  Life's mysteries, I'm tellin' ya!

Just rest your eyes upon that wasted meal.  Oh, the horror!  The inhumanity!

Below is a picture of the perpetrator (She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, lest she inflict doom and bad karma upon me for posting such an embarrassing picture).  There she is, looking all smug and triumphant because she has the power and audacity to throw away whatever her cruel heart desires.  And to that I say, "Begone, evil wench.  Do your evil deeds elsewhere-- mayhaps in Africa where the wee babes need their fair share of cheesy lettuce and ickysicky chicken gunk!"  

(Note: I didn't really say that to She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.  In fact, I still really like her even though she sometimes throws away food.)

(Note #2: Don't be intimidated to throw food away in front of me-- I'll either dig it back out and find someone to eat it, or just give you a chastising look.  This blog makes me sound way more judgey than I actually am.  No biggie.)

More Valentine's Trashy Goodness!

First of all, made a trip to Ben and Jerry's after hearing rumors of free cones between the hours of 5 and 8pm.  Lo and behold, it was true!  They were giving out scoops of Americone Dream-- vanilla base with fudge covered waffle cone pieces and caramel swirls.  Basically heaven.  It was awkward ordering though... "I'd like an Americone cone, please."  Sounds redundant, but...is it?  I DON'T KNOW.  At least I didn't curtsy this time (the same guy I curtsied for before was working, but I don't think he remembered me.  Thank Jesus).

Then, came home to find sympathy cookies from the residential-life staff.  Our floor's RA left after the first semester, so we've been without one for a couple months.  Nothing has changed-- we're all still docile, innocent, non-rebellious college kids, but res-life feels the need to shower us with apologies and free food.  SWEET.  So there were two large boxes of assorted Valentines Day cookies.  They tasted like cardboard, but at least they were sparkly.

Then came a completely non-Valentine's Day-related find: my roommate, Madeline,  did a wonderful job burning her bagel and then threw it in the garbage, as is the fate of most burnt bagels.  Little did she know, I LOVE burnt things.  And then she watched in horror as I dug it out of the trash and nommed it right there.  Look at that excited, pink eye-infected, pre-gym, happy face.  Life is good.

Overall, I'd call this a very successful Valentine's Day.  I fucking LOVE this holiday.  I love pink, I love dressing up like a color-themed weirdo, I love chocolate, I love annoyingly in-your-face sappiness, I love watching people receive corny gifts, I love receiving corny gifts, I even love appreciating the people who despise Valentine's Day.  I'm gonna go ahead and say it's actually one of my favorite holidays.  Yep.  Said it.  Proud of it.

Valentine's Day Trashy Goodness!

Everyone loves Valentine's Day, right?!  RIGHT!  Let me just list the reasons this V-Day is a wonderful one for me:

1) It gives me an excuse to wear the disgustingly frilly pink nightgown that has been in my closet ever since the beginning of time (cough, 2 weeks ago).  For the sake of my dignity, I hope it never comes out again.
2) I LOVE giving out Valentines to everyone I know.  Apparently, I never really left elementary school.
3) My eyes match the theme of my outfit-- RED.  I happen to have a raging case of pink-eye, just in time for Valentine's Day.  Red, itchy, and oh-so festive!
4) And finally, other people's leftovers.  Today's one of those days where the amount of food you receive is indicative of the amount of love someone has for you.  So if you're super in love, you can't possibly eat all that junk.  Which is where I come in and vacuum it all up with my bottomless chocolate cravings.

Well, the day is young, so I haven't yet come upon the hoard of girls clutching heart boxes and there's still a plethora of boxed pieces of cake sitting in the marketplace....BUUUUUT, I did find a wrap in the garbage of the Marche.  I was accompanying Taylor to the trash to throw her curly fries away (there comes a point where even I can't handle the amount of junkfood I find and I have to go back to being a semi-healthy eater for a day or two (who am I kidding, an hour or two) There will be more french fries, I shan't fret).
So anyway, we got to the trash area and I saw the tell-tale plastic case of a Marche sandwich.  It was a wrap and there was ONE BITE taken out of one of the halves.  I grabbed it before I even fully processed that it was: a) a chicken caesar wrap (Oh hey, I'm a vegetarian) and b) covered in slimy, white unidentifiable goo.

But WHATEVER, I grabbed it anyway, washed the barfy stuff off my hands, wiped off the container, finished gagging, and voila!  The wrap was as good as new (minus the bite taken out of it).  And then there's the little problem of being a vegetarian, but who cares.  I took a bite anyway (because I'm experimental and it's Valentine's Day so fuck it) and it was disgusting, but FREE.  So yeah.

Lesson learned: just because you find something in the trash doesn't mean you have to eat it.  Especially if it's made of meat products.

The 3-Day Kitchen Rule

Here's a general rule I try to live by: don't eat other people's food unless you're pretty sure they're done with it.  And that's a very fine line.   For example, I live right across the hall from the floor kitchen where there will often times be wonderful food items left in there, either forgotten or just left for a quick sec while more ingredients are gathered.  It may be tempting to swipe anything you see just sitting in there, but I, as a college student and member of the respectable human race, try to have more class than that.  Therefore, I lIve by the 3-day kitchen rule: you must give a 3-day grace period in which the owner of the food item can retrieve it from the kitchen, or someone less patient can grab it, or whatever.  Basically, let it do its thang there in the kitchen for 3 days and only then is it acceptable to claim it as your own.

Today, I claimed these tortillas from the kitchen as my very own.  <3

There're gonna be some killer breakfast burritos in the near future.

Also, last night my friend Taylor went out on a hawt date and came back with a buncha salad left, so she gave it to me instead of throwing it away and I am forever grateful.  It looks like a pretty shitty salad in that picture below, but that's because I forgot to take a picture until after I had excitedly eaten all the good junk in it.  Whoopsies.  You can't blame me, though-- chunked tomatoes and hardboiled eggs are exciting things.  

A bajillion and a half bagels

Bagels and bagels and bagels and bagels.  Bagels galore.  Too many bagels to handle.  An enormous amount of bagels.  A trashbag full of bagels.  All kinds of bagels.  Bagels out the wazoo.  Enough bagels to feed a starving flock of pigeons for a week.  Enough bagels to shake a stick at.  "Bagels" doesn't sound like a real word anymore.  I think you get the point though.  BAGELS.

While me and a few friends were studying in the kitchen, this guy randomly came in dragging this huge bag of bagels that he found on the side of the road.  Why there was an enormous bag of bread on the side of the road, I have no idea, but I'm going to choose not to question it.  The universe works in mysterious ways and it has just given us a hundred bajillion bagels, so I won't challenge it.  Free food.  And carbs-- perfect.

Add a little fun(yun) in your life.

Found a tostitos bag in the trash tonight...  At first glance I was all, "oh sweet, a bag of chips."  But THEN, after sampling said chips, something tasted a liiiiiittle bit off.  Lo and behold, there were little Funyun bits  (those delicious onion rings minus the onion) mixed in with them.  At that moment, it was like the world fell away.  It was just me and the chips forever into eternity.  They were that good.  A find like that is one in a million.  I urge you to go out (right now) and purchase these two wonderful things because, when combined, they will change your life and make you question everything you once thought to be holy.

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