My romantic night in with Arctic Zero

Ugh, I haven't blogged in like, six and a half decades.  AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO' DAT.  I've been busy. And lazy. And dumpster diving sucks because my findings are always full of gluten n' crap.   So that's my little negative rant for the time being. Let's move on to the COOL STUFF.

While I was in Spain, one of the girls on the tour told me about this magical ice cream called Arctic Zero that's gluten and dairy free and is packed with protein.  The best part?  It's practically calorie-free.  150 calories for the ENTIRE pint. I was like, "yeah okay, Amber, get your head outta your butt." And she was all, "FUH REALZ-- check out Whole Foods, gurl."

So today, I had a free hour that I could've spent napping or doing homework (pftt), but instead I set out on a quest for Arctic Zero.  There were a few scary minutes in the car when the traffic moved .3 inches within 15 minutes and my CD player was stuck on a fucking Cranberries song and I thought maybe it was karmic punishment or something.

I finally got to Healthy Living, found the ice cream section and, wonder of wonders, Arctic Zero was on sale!  And there were so many awesome looking flavors; how could I choose just one? I bought cookies n' cream, mint chocolate chip, and peanut butter chocolate.  Ran into a girl I went to high school with at the cash register... she probably thinks I'm the lamest human in the world: buying 3 pints of ice cream by myself on a Friday night. I'm pathetic, I know, whatever, I've accepted it, moving on.

I held a one-person taste-test party when I got home and was a bit disappointed.  First of all, since it has a bunch of protein, it tasted like a frozen protein shake. Which makes sense, I guess. But then second of all, the worst part, there are no chunks of anything!  Hellooooo, mint chocolate chunk, why are you smooth and not chunky?  Hellooooo, cookies n' cream, where are the effing cookies, GEEZ!  It was like they literally made a protein shake and froze it into an ice cream container.  And third of all, the first ingredient listed on the pint is purified water. Like...what?

So overall, I give it a 7/10.  There are a ton of pros and it does taste decent, but I'm definitely a chunk spelunker.  Eating ice cream without digging for chunks is like... petting a sphynx cat. You can still do it, but seriously, what's the point, it's not even fuzzy.

I'll sum up this post with a Chinese proverb I found on wiki: Not only can water float a boat, it can sink it also.  Aka, water will sink your ice cream. And by sink, I mean ruin.  Water will ruin your ice cream.