Expensive things covered in beer!

Yo, folks. It's been a while, but I'm BAAAAACK with dumpster finds betta than eva.  Things have been slow because I have a fancy job that requires fancy clothes and I'd probably get sent home if I smelled anything less than fancy.  Also, I have just about everything I could possibly want (brag alert) so digging isn't really a priority. But enough with my excuses, I got lucky recently and howz aboot I tell y'all about it, eh?

A few weeks ago there was a mega rager in one of the apartments above me, complete with hired DJ and people trying to use my bathroom-sized apartment as a bathroom. It was a great time. Long story short, the cops came, things got quiet, I went to bed grumpy and woke up grumpy.  The one redeeming factor: a couple days later I came across this abandoned beer-soaked Patagonia tucked alongside the driveway. It was disgusting. But then I washed it and it became a fuzzy, un-beer-soaked, perfect-fitting snuggle pullover. Happiness is finding a severely maltreated pullover and claiming it as your own to love and to pull over until death do us part.

Also, I stole those Ben and Jerry's sunglasses from my brother mid-summer and every time he asks me where they are I change the subject.  HERE THEY ARE, NOT GIVING THEM BACK, NOT SORRY EITHER

The next big find was the most enormous sweater I've ever seen.  Found it in a bag of old painting clothes someone had put out with the weekly trash.  It reaches almost all the way to my knees and the turtleneck/boatneck portion can also be flipped up as a hood. This sweater is MASSIVE and just screams to be curled up in with tea and John Cusack movies. And that's exactly what I'm doing tonight. (P.S. Check out my teensy apartment! That's pretty much all there is to see...)

It's so massive, you can fit 2 people no problemo. Maybe even 3! or 4! ...Or maybe not.

Caney vs. Annmarie Food-off

Tonight I brought a big bunch of kale and a can of chick peas to work with me.  Since the hotel is usually pretty slow Sunday nights, I had time to do a bit of cooking! And by cooking, I mean tossing a bunch of crap on a pan, dowsing it in olive oil, and shoving it in the oven for 20 minutes.

We have a couple of Jamaican housekeepers at the hotel. One of them eats nothing but fried chicken and bagels while the other one is less picky and does a lot more cooking.  We are night and day different-- Annmarie eats only one or two big meals a day and I graze all day long.  She incorporates meat into every meal, and I definitely do not.  She doesn't really understand what gluten free means and the fact that I try to stay away from dairy.  We're an interesting pair and it's especially interesting when we start talking food.

The other day, Annmarie and Annisha tried my banana flax seed crackers and had to spit them out. Later that night, they made me this (see picture below) to show me "what real food is." They were a little bit vague about what it was, but I'm pretty sure it was pork.  The main ingredient in the sauce was ketchup.  As an experimental vegetarian, this was really pushing my limits, but I tried it and ended up making a pretty good dent in it. It was...interesting. Not disgusting, but not something I'd want to try again.

Tonight was my turn to give her something new to try. I made kale chips, one of my favorite snacks this summer.  

Her first reaction, "HOOOO, what is THAT?!"

"Ohhh lord."

"Caney, I'm throwing this in the trash now."

So, she hated them. But I love that she was willing to try. Sometime this week she's going to make Jamaican coconut rice and peas for me. I'm thinking I might make her a black bean burger... But in the meantime, I'll be enjoying the rest of this pan of kale chips. ALL MINE.

I CAN'T REMEMBER HOW TO FUNCTION

Hi, folks!

Ready for an extensive rant from a completely type-A perfectionist?!  Yeah, you are!  This has nothing whatsoever to do with the general theme of this (neglected) blog, but it's in my brain and it has to go somewhere and I'm too lazy to handwrite it in my journal.

This summer, I'm working over 70 hours a week and I'm constantly going back and forth between home and my apartment, depending on whichever is closer to my next job shift.  I have no time to breathe or pause or think about how stressed I am or make any time-consuming mistakes.

The thing is, though, is that this is not new to me. I have always taken on as much as possible and it's been a pretty consistent pattern since my high school days. Never before as much as this though and I'm having a hard time functioning as a normal human on the occasions when I happen to have a few hours free.

When I have a morning or an afternoon off, I try to cram as much in as possible. I'll bake something, go to the gym, meet up with a friend (or even two if I can swing it), take a trip to Goodwill, hang out with my parents... But I have to parse out my free time so that I can fit all that in, and then it becomes stressful to have every bit of my time planned down to the minute.  

I didn't have to work this morning and I purposely didn't plan anything for myself, but then I woke up and panicked because I didn't know what to do. I go into guilt mode when I let myself sleep in or watch an episode of something on netflix. Like I could be accomplishing so much more by utilizing that time. Like I am wasting away my life with mundane things when I could be out making friends and memories and dreams come true, blah blah.

I had the sudden realization today that I have reached an unhealthy level of stress.  When I left the house this morning, I discovered a sticky/waxy/gross substance that had soaked through part of my backpack (I think it might be toothpaste?). I had a mini breakdown in the car. I was mentally putting together a schedule of how I would spend the remainder of the morning and I couldn't possibly find the time to take everything out of my backpack, clean the things, clean the backpack, let it dry, and then put everything back in. It just seemed like an impossible task-- something that would waste away my precious time that I wanted to use living.

It's so stupid. I know. I cried about spilled toothpaste.

Something has to change.

I need to be able to take a day off without flipping out and sinking into a funk because I don't know what to do with myself. I need to remember what it's like to be myself and do what I want to do. I need to remember what it IS I want to do, because I seem to have forgotten what's important to me and what energizes me. I need to spend some time with just me and not compare myself with others.

I'm not sure how to get back there, though. I'm not sure how to un-train myself and my way of thinking.  I guess it'll be a gradual thing that I'll really have to work at, but I'm ready to start...

...As soon as I can find the time.

(That ending is so cheesy, I'm keeping it hahahahahah)

Wokin' and framin' and shirt wearin'

AMAZING finds yesterday! First off, I found a really nice two-handled wok hanging out of the overflowing dumpster next to my apartment. It was so full I was afraid if I grabbed the pan there would be an avalanche and I would die under a giant mass of garbage. Actually, that would be an okay way to go. But I took my chances, didn't die, and got a wok outta the deal!  Unfortunately, the dumpster was so out of control I didn't dare go further in for fear of touching icky things.  Anywho, the pan's a bit large, but I'm hoping I'll be able to bring it to my teensy apartment when I move in a couple weeks from now. I'm gonna stir-fry everything. EVERYTHING.  

My next big find was this humongo picture frame. I want to make one of those DIY frame jewelry holders with it using chickenwire. Summaaaa project! Right now it's painted a mottled/flecked gold and I want to repaint it a little bit snazzier.  I was thinking electric blue. Or maybe just regular blue. Maybe not blue at all.... I'll letcha know how it goes.

Everything I'm wearing in the picture below was also found. Snagged a couple pairs of funktastic sunnies, and few Nike workout shirts (thank goodness, workout motivation!).  Another cool find that I didn't take pictures of are a few lacy tanks from Zenana, an Indian company that handmakes clothing for sustainable fashion.  I absolutely love the shirts, but haven't quite figured out how to wear them. They're too long to be a regular shirt, too short to be a dress or a tunic. Hmm. I'll be experimenting. 

MEXICALI. PANTS. HECK YES.

In today's episode of Caney-gets-dowwwwn-in-the-dumpster, I stumbled upon enough clothes to outfit me for at least a week.  People are starting to move out and instead of throwing their clothes in the donation bins, they just throw them straight into the garbage.  Cool.  Here's the run-down of today's dumpster finds:

3 pairs of pants

1 pair of workout shorts

1 skirt 

1 dress

3 cardigans/jackets

8 shirts

Storage cube

Dinner

Since spring sprung a couple weeks ago, I've been seeing a lot of those weird short-in-the-front, long-in-the-back skirts and was kinda hankering for one but didn't wanna drop an exorbitant amount of money to look like everyone else.  Lo and behold, I found one in the trash!  Dreams DO come true.  Also featured in this picture is a lacy/silky crop top with a slight rip. A couple stitches and it'll be good to go! I'm feelin' miiiiiighty stylish!

My next favorite find was these PANTS.  Holy WOW I love these pants.  They're from Mexicali Blues and I'm gonna wear the ever-living daylights out of them.  I'm going to wear these with my birkies and hang out at Muddy Waters alllllll summer.  (Also, you can't tell, but the top is a Forever 21 crop top with a really cool cut-out back.)

I also found a perfectly wonderful biddie dress. I wanted to take a picture of it, but taking pictures in such a curve-hugging dress is a bit too risque for me, so I just threw some some chins in therrrr. Problem solved. Sexiness gone.

Another mega-find-- 2 pairs of Lucky brand jeans. 1 pair fit like a dream and the other pair was a size 2, soooo..... hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah...ha.  Anywho.  Found the black tank top and beautifully knitted cardigan too.

This storage cube is the only thing I didn't find in the dumpster.  I found it outside one of the dorm buildings in the "take it or leave it" section where people can get rid of stuff they don't wanna take home with them.  Perfect my teensy little apartment! Seating AND storage!  MIRACLE OF MIRACLES!

Another miracle of miracles, I found an unopened cna of my favorite soup.  (I kid you not, Amy's is my favorite organic canned soup and I eat the lentil kind at least once a week.)  DINNER IN DA DUMPSTAAAA

Aaaaand once more. Another crop top.

I didn't take pictures of everything because I still have one more final and even taking time to write this blog post is stressing me out.  I must go. Go check out your nearest dumpster.

JACKPOT WEEK

Finals week is simultaneously the best and worst week of the year.  It's stressful as all get-out and I sort of feel like just keeling over and dying (6 exams total, GUH), but on the other hand, everyone is moving out and the semester's over and summer is HERE and (the best part) everyone is getting rid of shit. I make daily trips to the dumpster during finals week in hopes of finding gold.  I scored hard today. It almost makes up for the fact that I'm pretty sure I bombed my music theory final this morning. WHATEVA.

Find #1: two flannel shirts. These babies are NICE. The brown one is prAna brand, which is in the neighborhood of $100 shirts. (WHAT THA HECK, privileged college students throwing away yoga-brand clothing?! I'll take it!) The blue one is not a noteworthy brand, but who da eff cares, it's comfy and colorful and I'm gonna snuggle the crap out of it.

 Next, I found a reversible duvet cover.  I didn't even have to go digging for this one, it was laying right outside the dumpster.  I can't tell if it's a full or a twin, but I'll make use of it anyway!

Shirt with biiiiiirds on it.  Definitely wearing this to work... which is kind of ironic because I'll be working in a semi-professional office this summer and have to dress nicely. I find all my work clothes in the dumpster, HAHAHAH

These were my favorite finds.  Not one, but TWO blue floppy hats and a little white shoulder shrug. When I first pulled the sweater thing out, I thought it was doll clothing and almost threw it back in, but figured I could donate it somewhere instead. NOPE, turns out it's my new favorite piece of clothing because now I can wear all my sleeveless dresses to work.  WAHOOOOZA

Found these boots with the tissue paper still balled up in the toes. Seriously, guys?! Who throws away a new, never-worn pair of boots?! I'm appalled. And disappointed that they're a size too small. (Up for grabs, if anyone wants them!)

These ones fit though!

...And it's only Monday. Let the week of non-stop dumpster diving begin!

Remember when I used to blog? BAHAHAH

I forgot I had a blog... It's been 4 months... WHOOPSIE DAISIES. The only reason I'm on here right now is because it's getting to be finals-time and my brain is not quite ready for that (let's be honest, will it ever be ready?) The trash-picking has been slow because a) I'm doing 18 credits this semester + a part-time job + an internship + training for a second part-time job, and b) the dumpster is at an awkward height, like, above chest level so I can't lean in to peek and c) I don't live in a dorm anymore and I assume everyone in the apartment complex is broke and desperate like me, so I wouldn't expect anyone to be throwing out whole boxes of cereal like the good ol' days

SO. Let's catch up. A long long time ago (in a galaxy far away (just kidding, it was actually on Athletic Campus, I just wanted to make a Star Wars reference)), I found a glove on the sidewalk. It was a really nice glove. A Ralph Lauren stitched leather glove. I was like, "DAMN, that's a nice glove" and kept walking. And then I found the other one 50 steps later. I put them on and so began the beginning of a brief, but very torrid relationship. I wore those thangs everywhere and my hands were the coziest gosh darn things on the planet.  That was in October, I think. By December, I lost them because that's how gloves and I work. I get them, love them, lose them, mourn them.

Shortly after the glove-finding stuff happened, I found a headband on the sidewalk too! I wore the crap out of it. All winter long. I never lost it because it was always on my head. I even brought it with me to Spain. And Paris. And London. I love a well-cultured headband, don't you? It's actually probably my favorite thing I've ever found and I'm going to be super incredibly despondent when I lose it/it falls apart.

 This was at our welcome dinner on our first night in Madrid. My first legal glass of wine. Pinky up, obvi.

This was in Paris on a bridge over the Louvre.

Uhhh, I think that's about it for my major findings in the past few months. Oh, actually, no! Yesterday I was in Boston (or Cambridge? Or Lowell? I have no idea where we were, but there were cobblestone streets, so I was happy) and we went to a really funky vegan restaurant called Life Alive. I don't wanna make this post a restaurant review, but HOLY WOW, so good. But that's not the point. The point is that they were selling Liz Lovely gluten free cookies and we were drooling, but not diggin' the price. They come in packs of two and on our way out we found an abandoned pack that had a whole triple chocolate mint cookie left. So we split it in three and shared. Aww. It was delicious. Like, mind-blowingly delicious. If I remembered what those gluten-y girl scout cookies tasted like, I would probably say it was better than thin mints.

The almost vegan quinoa macaroni and cheese incident of January 24th.

Let me just cut through the suspense here at the beginning of this post and just say that this story doesn't end very well.  It all started with a link I saw on facebook...

As soon as I saw the recipe for quinoa mac and cheese, I was beyond excited to try it.  And by that I mean, I kept the tab open for 3 days staring longingly at it until I had the time to go to the grocery store.  I had to swap out the cheese ingredient for vegan cheese and ended up coming home with a huge hunk of bright orange "cheddar."  As I was shredding it, the only thing that came to mind was soupy playdough.  I was mega skeptical/disgusted and did a taste test.  It passed, but just barely.  Other than that though, the recipe was easy to follow and there surprisingly weren't any disasters.

Karen and Jake came over for dinner and I felt a little bad subjecting them to a) my cooking and b) gluten/dairy free questionable ingredients.  But all was well and good and nobody hated it (unless they were really good at hiding it...) and I thought it was a total success.

...Until we all started feeling like shit.  Well, Karen was fine cuz she's one of those weird creatures that can eat anything, even styrofoam, and still have the sort of functioning digestion system I could only dream of.  (I made that styrofoam part up, though).  And Jake was fine too... for a little while.  We'll get back to that.  Tucker and I, though. Man.  It felt like my insides were being obliterated by one of those magic bullet things, except without the delicious smoothie outcome.  My plan had been to go to the gym, but all I wanted to do was lay on the ground and not move for 500 years.

And then I woke up in the middle of the night around 4am and saw that Karen had called me around midnight. I remember sleepily thinking, "hmm, I hope she's okay, mmph mmmmg zzz." And it wasn't until later today that I found out Jake had had an allergic reaction and needed a ride to the hospital.  I'm still a little unclear as to what he ended up doing and I haven't heard from him today, but I'm pretty sure he's alive.  So that's good.

And there you have it.  My delicious quinoa mac n' cheese was a fail.  Maybe I'll try it again with a different kind of soy cheese? I dunno. It's gonna take a while to build up the courage and block out that traumatic experience.

Deadly.

My romantic night in with Arctic Zero

Ugh, I haven't blogged in like, six and a half decades.  AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO' DAT.  I've been busy. And lazy. And dumpster diving sucks because my findings are always full of gluten n' crap.   So that's my little negative rant for the time being. Let's move on to the COOL STUFF.

While I was in Spain, one of the girls on the tour told me about this magical ice cream called Arctic Zero that's gluten and dairy free and is packed with protein.  The best part?  It's practically calorie-free.  150 calories for the ENTIRE pint. I was like, "yeah okay, Amber, get your head outta your butt." And she was all, "FUH REALZ-- check out Whole Foods, gurl."

So today, I had a free hour that I could've spent napping or doing homework (pftt), but instead I set out on a quest for Arctic Zero.  There were a few scary minutes in the car when the traffic moved .3 inches within 15 minutes and my CD player was stuck on a fucking Cranberries song and I thought maybe it was karmic punishment or something.

I finally got to Healthy Living, found the ice cream section and, wonder of wonders, Arctic Zero was on sale!  And there were so many awesome looking flavors; how could I choose just one? I bought cookies n' cream, mint chocolate chip, and peanut butter chocolate.  Ran into a girl I went to high school with at the cash register... she probably thinks I'm the lamest human in the world: buying 3 pints of ice cream by myself on a Friday night. I'm pathetic, I know, whatever, I've accepted it, moving on.

I held a one-person taste-test party when I got home and was a bit disappointed.  First of all, since it has a bunch of protein, it tasted like a frozen protein shake. Which makes sense, I guess. But then second of all, the worst part, there are no chunks of anything!  Hellooooo, mint chocolate chunk, why are you smooth and not chunky?  Hellooooo, cookies n' cream, where are the effing cookies, GEEZ!  It was like they literally made a protein shake and froze it into an ice cream container.  And third of all, the first ingredient listed on the pint is purified water. Like...what?

So overall, I give it a 7/10.  There are a ton of pros and it does taste decent, but I'm definitely a chunk spelunker.  Eating ice cream without digging for chunks is like... petting a sphynx cat. You can still do it, but seriously, what's the point, it's not even fuzzy.

I'll sum up this post with a Chinese proverb I found on wiki: Not only can water float a boat, it can sink it also.  Aka, water will sink your ice cream. And by sink, I mean ruin.  Water will ruin your ice cream.

Failed ravioli, banana whipped cream, and starving savages.

Yesterday was BEAUUUUTIFUL.  One of those perfect fall days where you try to cherish it but can't help thinking about whether you're actually cherishing it to the full extent it deserves.  You know?  It's like the day is guilt-tripping you if you're not outside picking pumpkins or going on hayrides.  Tucker and I were planning on having a mega touristy day at the Shelburne Museum and probably some foliage drives, etc etc.  Instead, we ended up hangin' out cooking and knitting all day.

Here's our day of food (all gluten free/vegan):

Breakfast: chocolate chip pancakes

Lunch: grilled cheese with pesto and apples, butternut squash soup

Dinner: failed pumpkin ravioli, so it became rice pasta with a pumpkin/walnut sauce

Dessert: surprise pie

The evening plan was to head to my friend's apartment for a classy dinner party.  The only problem?  Nothing being served was gluten free.  Hence, the gluten free pumpkin ravioli idea was born!  

The original plan for the pumpkin sauce was to use it as filling for the homemade ravioli.  The filling was mashed pumpkin, an onion, and walnuts.  Yumm.  Buuuuuut, we tried to make the ravioli pasta from scratch, but that shit is harder than it looks.  So we mixed it into some rice pasta and all was good with the world.  Sort of.  It didn't taste fantastic, so all was not really good with the world, but whatever.  It actually kinda looks barfy in the picture below.  We scarfed it at the party anyway.  Literally, scarfed it.  Right out of the serving bowl.  Before everyone else got their food.  In a dark corner of the room.  ...It's safe to say we were the savages of the classy dinner party.  Not sorry.

And then we were planning on bringing a dessert to the dinner party, so we whipped up a surprise pie-- one of Tucker's family's secret recipes.  (The recipe's not really a secret, but they call it surprise pie because the fun part is getting people to guess the ingredients after they take a bite).  The only problem?  Whipped cream is supposed to be the top layer of the pie and I'm dairy free.  So we did some google searching and found a whipped cream recipe using a mashed banana and an egg white.  It turned out WONDERFULLY.  Look at the picture, doesn't that look like whipped cream?  YEAH!

We ended up not bringing the pie to the party... because we wanted to eat it.  Sooooo... this morning, after Tucker, my roomate Hannah, and I worked on it, there's not a whole lot left.  It's that good.  It'll probably be gone by the end of the day.

Oh, and here's Tucker knitting his first scarf.  Adorable.

Trashy sushi

It's been kind of a slow start on the trash-pickin' scene so far this semester. It's harder to find stuff when you're not living in the dorms.  But every once in a while...

There I was, 12:45pm in the fishbowl at the Davis Center.  I had just scarfed a hummus-on-gluten-free-bread sandwich and was still feeling kinda hungry.  I got up to throw my trash away and go grab an apple or something, when all of a sudden, some girl scooted right in front of me to get to the trash can first.  I was momentarily pissed off, but then noticed the glory that is a half-full box of California sushi rolls heading straight for the abyss.  I casually dropped my trash and scooped up hers all in one fell swoop.  Luckily, it was almost full, so I didn't have to climb in.  It was a beautiful, beautiful thing with very convenient timing.

The sushi at school is notoriously pretty good.  And it's kind of a treat-- it's over 6 points per box and with a (very) limited amount of points, sushi is a luxury.  Finding a relatively untouched box was a MIRACLE.  Ya know that little chunk of pickled ginger they always toss in next to the wasabi?  Nobody ever seems to eat that... and it's my FAVORITE part.  Looks I'll I'll have to go trash diving just to find all that wasted ginger.

Microwavable cake. Mmm, college.

Heyyy, bloggy blog friends!  It's been about 16 years since I last wrote a blogpost, even though there have been PLENTY of blog-worthy experiences... For example, last week I went to get my teeth cleaned and my hygienist and I really hit it off.  She ended up sneaking me out with 5 toothbrushes, 6 boxes of floss, 4 boxes of toothpaste, a handful of stickers, and her email address.  SCORE.  Another blog-worthy find that I didn't end up posting about was a lime green garbage can Tucker and I found in a dumpster.  Trash can in a dumpster, how ironic.  ANYway.  Back to the real subject.

Today was my dear friend Mackenzie's birthday, so we decided to do some cake experimentation... A few days ago, I was spelunking around on the interwebz and found a bunch of single serving cake recipes.  I was like, "DAYUMMM, I'MMA MAKE DIS SUMDAY."  And that day was today.  Taylor, Karen, Myria, and I scrounged up an impressive amount of mugs, made a quick grocery trip, and then proceeded to spend 2 hours making microwave cake.  Mmm, the sweet taste of college.  Here's a shot of my dining room table in the throes of dessert-making.  It was a mess.  A delicious, peanutbuttery mess.

Here's the end result.  10 mugs are chocolate cake with homemade reeses frosting and the 2 mugs in the middle are peanut butter chocolate chip cake.  It doesn't look very appetizing in this picture... actually, it looks like dog poop in a cup, but I assure you they tasted better than they look.  In retrospect, we probably should've mixed the ingredients in a separate bowl so the sides of the mugs wouldn't look all drippy.  Whatever.  It's cake.

I made one that was gluten free fo' meeee  :)

Then for Mackenzie's birthday dinner we got a huge group together to go downtown to the Asiana Noodle Shop.  I'd never been and was nervous about finding gluten-free options, but HEY whaddaya know-- the place was full of crap I could eat.  Pictured below is avocado maki, something with seitan and mysterious goop, and salad.  

The menu was a little bit scary.  It was like 15 pages long and had a lot of words that are not in my vocabulary (I'd never even heard of a sushi boat.  I basically live under a rock).  So I decided to play it safe-ish and get the avocado tofu salad.  It also had seaweed salad in it!!!!! Do you guys remember all my posts about seeweed salad?!?!?! Well guess what!  Still obsessed!!!!!!!!!!

Here we are... humongo, obnoxious group.  It took us at least 20 minutes to divvy up the bill.  There is a reason I'm not a math major. 

Want to make your own single-serving cake-in-a-mug?  Go HERE.  My next conquest will be the carrot cake, I think.  

Banana stuff with stuff in it!!!!!!!!!

I can't remember whether or not I've already written a post about this, but WHATEVA DOIN' IT ANYWAY.  Today, as I was driving my friend Haleigh home, she wanted to stop at Scumberland Farms and pick up some Ben and Jerry's.  That got me hankerin' for ice cream, but since I'm still all dairy free and stuff, me and Ben and Jerry can't hang out.

And then I got home and went to stare into the freezer.   LO AND BEHOLD, there was a bag of frozen banana slices.  And ohhh, what you can do with banana slices!  Popped 'em in the food processor and obliterated them into infinity.  Jk, lol, I obliterated them into ice cream consistency.

And then, since plain ol' banana ice cream is meh, I tossed in some vanilla protein powder, cocoa powder, a bit of peanut butter, and some dry oats.  Banana stuff with stuff in it!!!!!!!  (Please appreciate how well my baby spoon matches the purple on my pajammies.  It's Thursday and my day off, so obviously pajammies will be worn all day).

Ya know what's great about obliterated banannies with stuff in 'em?  It's cheap and fast (literally, took less than a minute (not including clean-up time (oy))) and pretty healthy depending on what you chuck in there and dairy free and you can share with all your friends or not if you're in your pajammies and feeling antisocial like meeeee!  Mmmm, run-on sentence.

Sweet Apple Sammies

For the past couple years (and by a couple, I actually mean a few, and by a few I mean more like 7) I've had a subscription to Seventeen Magazine.  It used to be my favorite magazine.  I loved articles like, "get your crush to notice you" and "I was robbed in a parking lot and survived now listen to me preach about how life is precious." All that crap.  Needless to say, I was an avid Seventeen follower.  In the past year or two though, I chose to cancel my subscription due to all the bullshit and body image distortion, blah blah blah... also the fact that I am no longer anywhere near 17 years old.  But the magazine just keeps showing up on my doorstep anyway.

So today, because I have a stack of magazines taller than the world's second-smallest woman (that's Madge Bester, in case anyone was wondering.  She's 2'2" tall), I've been doing some collaging.  While viciously ripping through page after page searching for images that weren't skinny white girls or nail polish ads, I found a recipe or "sweet apple sammies."  And then I made one and it was delicious.

Wanna know how to make one?  Even though you can probably tell from the picture?  OKAY!

1) Take an apple, cut it down the middle, then chop off the stemmy ends.  Cut out the core, and voila, you've got yourself a coupla apple donuts.  You can just stop right there if you want.  They're so cute, it's hard not to eat them right away.

2) If you make it past step 1, smear some peanut buttery goodness on there.

3) Throw some chocolate chips into the peanut butter for the "sweet" aspect of the recipe title.

4) Smoosh the two apple donuts together and BAM you've got an adorable sandwich thing that is decently healthy.

After 7 years of receiving this magazine, I think this is the first time I've actually made one of the dumb "get fit now!" recipes they always throw in for shits and giggles.  Maybe I'll give Seventeen another chance... HA, JUST KIDDING.  So done.

Batman at the Bees Knees

My mom, brother, and I went to the Bees Knees for dinner tonight.  The Bees Knees is the "bees knees."  Har har.  But really.  The food is great, the live music is great, the local art is fantastic, and you have not truly experienced the Bees Knees until you've been in the creepy, painted bathroom and looked at all the foot-less cartoon people that watch you pee.

The one downside to the restaurant is that it takes a while to get your food.  Luckily, someone had left behind a battered Batman figurine on the table for us to play with.  This particular Batman was, ahem, a little loose in the crotch area.  Please enjoy this short video of my brother flailing Batman around.

I got the black bean burger with some potato wedges.  I didn't have time to take a picture of it because it was somehow in my mouth before I could even reach for my camera.  In the competition between my camera and my stomach, the stomach usually wins.  This is again demonstrated in the picture below where, as you can see, we bought some gluten-free cookies, but they disappeared before picture-time.  So instead, here's a picture of the empty cookie bag with loose-crotch Batman inside.  How cute.

 

The cookies are from Liz Lovely and the brand name does not lie-- they are lovely.  We got plain' ol chocolate chip (chip-eee-i-oh!) cookies.  They looked like huge, dry dog treats but actually tasted like raw Tollhouse cookie dough and happiness.  While trying to find that clip of Spongebob eating his grandma's cookies (you know the one..) in order to demonstrate the absolute joy experienced with Liz Lovely's cookies, I stumbled upon this weird little tune instead.  Then I promptly got sucked into the obscure section of youtube filled with indie Australian bands with less than 5,000 views.  Who gives a crap about Spongebob clips when you can stare at cute Aussie boys with ginger afros?

Challenge me to a game of Bingo and I will WINNN.

I don't know if it's something I ate or something specific I did, but my lucky streak today is way out of control.  No one deserves to be this lucky.  That said, I'm NOT complaining; today was awesome.  The first miracle of the day came when I woke up and knew exactly what I wanted to wear.  This may seem like no big deal, but lemme tell ya, sometimes I just don't feel like wearing anything.  Those are the days I remind myself that technically, it's not illegal to go around naked in Vermont as long as you don't strip your clothes outside or some mumbo like that.  But nine times out of ten, I end up putting clothes on.  Whatever.  Anyway, so that was a big deal.

Big deal numero two: I was driving home from Burlington half-listening to the radio just trying to make it through those damn commercials when I heard "free tickets" and a phone number.  I (unsafely, whoops) whipped out my phone, tapped in the number, and voila!  I was caller #7 and won two tickets to go see Sweeney Todd in Lebanon this weekend.  THAT NEVER HAPPENS.  I've never called to win anything before because what're the odds I'd call at the exact right moment?  Also lucky thang numero 2.5: I didn't crash while using my phone to win things.

           

                                 

Big deal numero tres: BINGO, BABAAYYYY.  Every Wednesday night during the summer, Elmore hosts a community bingo as a fundraiser for the milfoil problem in the lake.  Tonight I scored so hard.  I won the first round with a straight-across bingo ("Hoooorizontal!  Vertical!  Diiiiii-agonal!") and won some fresh raspberries.  

Then I won AGAIN and picked up one of those nifty stench-spreaders.  When I brought it home and showed it off to my mother, she gasped.  Apparently she's desperately allergic to the scent "gardenia."  Rats.

Last week, I won a wiffle bat and a plate of cookies.  I am KILLA at bingo, but only in Elmore.  During finals week at UVM, my friend Shannon and I went to a bingo game hosted by the inter-residence association and things got stressful.  When you're winning raspberries and wiffle balls, it's not such a big deal, but when the prizes are a bit more appealing, it becomes a sweaty, hostile event.  I'd much rather play bingo in Elmore than with a bunch of rowdy, technology-hungry college kids.  Oops, looks like my transformation into a grandma is almost complete.  And speaking of grandmas, the theme for next weeks in Elmore is "bring your grandma to bingo!" SO EXCITED.

A bajillion macaroons, mini pumpkin muffins, and disastrous peppermint patties.

I woke up today wanting to bake anything and everything, preferably things that involve mini cupcake wrappers since I have 19 boxes.  I looked up a bunch of recipes and couldn't decide, so I ended up making 3 different things.  It's a risky business having me in the kitchen...baking things...using the oven... 

1) Coconut macaroons.

These turned out pretty darn well!  Since they're so small I had to do multiple batches, so there are a HUNDREDS of them.  And by hundreds, I mean maybe around 60.  But still.  That's a lot of macaroons.  There woulda been more, but I'm really bad about eating it before it goes in the oven... 

2) Peppermint patties.

As you can tell from this picture, these did NOT turn out well.  The main problem was that the recipe called for agave nectar and I didn't have it, so I used sugar water.  Also, the main ingredient is coconut oil which is gross and tastes like coconut-flavored crisco.  Also, I didn't melt the chocolate properly, so when it came time to dip the crisco/sugar balls, it didn't work.  Instead, we ended up pouring the chocolate onto the patties instead, which melted the oil.  Hence, there is a big sloppy mess.

Both Dad and Tucker tried a piece of the peppermint patties and both were unable to swallow it.  They're that bad.  The pan is now stashed in the freezer in hopes that someday one of us will rediscover them and magically think they're delicious.  But until that day comes, I'd steer clear of the freezer.

Tucker sharing the pot of burnt chocolate with Callie.

Tucker sharing the pot of burnt chocolate with Finn Hudson.

3) Pumpkin muffins

I cheated with this one and used a gluten-free mix.  They turned out normal, but bland.  Ah, well.  At least they're mini and adorable.

Aaaaand now I'm sick of baking.  At least it wasn't all a complete failure!  Macaroons are obviously my calling.